Reading on A Dark Day

So, yesterday was kind of a bleak day. For no real reason.

The Japanese Garden in Washington Park,

which I explored on the gloriously sunny Sunday.

Sunday was awesome. Portland was warm. It was sunny. It was like spring. I walked around Washington Park and wrote ten pages of a fun, unpublishable project completely unrelated to The Ever Afters. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Then yesterday hit with a case of the Mondays. It was raining, like Portland has been known to do (I've been in denial about the amount of precipitation in the Pacific Northwest, but I think that cured it). I drove around and got lost and tried to visit a cafe I found on yelp, but it was mysteriously closed. I watched my phone for emails and didn't get any.

Like I said, no real reason.

But I was in such a funk. Kind of overwhelmed by life, and wondering if I had made a terrible mistake. Kind of wishing that I hadn't driven across the country for the adventure of it, I wanted to be home. Well, I wanted to be someplace where someone I know could give me a giant hug.

I have a point, I promise. I'm not just complaining.

And then, 9 o'clock rolls around. I shut down all my freelance work for the night, take a shower, and can't decide what to do. I decide to read a chapter of Shannon Hale's Midnight in Austenland, go to bed early, and hope tomorrow would be kinder.

I bet you know where this is going now.

Highly recommended on all fronts. :-)

Yeah, I stayed up reading until the wee hours of the morning. I finished the book. I was giddy with how much I enjoyed it. The pure, unexpected joy of reading something for pleasure, getting caught up in a story totally removed from my own.

Somewhere between Chapter 3 and the last page, my mood had totally reversed. I was no longer worried about finding a place to live, or finding another job, or when I'm going to find the time to get my website up, or what exactly my personal marketing plan for Of Giants and Ice should be. I wasn't even too concerned about what I was doing with my life. The future made me feel hopeful. I was glad to be where I am, life-wise, and locale-wise, and totally excited that my college roommate will fly over to visit me on Thursday.

Now, I'm not totally sure why this happened. Maybe it was just a cause of the Mondays; maybe they eased as soon as I read straight into the wee hours of Tuesday. But I also hadn't finished reading a book for fun for almost two weeks, which usually only happens when I'm under deadline.

Is it possible to be addicted to reading like some people are addicted to exercise? Like, did my body not get its weekly dose of book endorphins???

It's possible. After seeing how many books I read last year, I decided to read FEWER books this year. In 2012, I wanted to do more living than reading (mainly because I feel like the opposite happened in 2011). With my road-trip adventure in place, this turned out to a goal that was easy to achieve.

But I guess last night was a reminder - Don't lock yourself in stupid policies. Read if you freaking want to read. It's one of your favorite things.

In other news, it looks like this today:

Gorgeous, right?

I'll take a huge plate of Life, with a side of Enjoyment and lots of Awesome, please.

Have you noticed that I've been kind of...quiet lately? Online, I mean.

Well, two major items have filled my waking hours this month:

1. I moved. I'm in California's Bay area now, like the place I've been talking about relocating to since I started this blog. My mom and I actually drove out here from North Carolina. It was pretty epic. (I'll blog about it later, mainly because it will give me an excuse to post some awesome pictures.)
   
   
2. I've owed Joanna a new draft of Ever After 2 since Christmas. I did part of my revision when I was in Montana for Christmas, part of it on the road, and part of it when I arrived here in Berkeley.
   

This is Red Rocks Park in Arizona, pic taken in car.
Ten points if you can spot the ghost of the ms literally looming over this scene!
(It was on the dashboard.)

Yesterday, I finally finished and sent it back in.

My immediate thoughts were: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! I have free time again! I can sleep in! Read books! Explore the area!! Do research for my next project!!!

Less than an hour later, when the euphoria ebbed slightly, a few other facts sank in:

1. I just moved. To someplace far, far away from everything familiar in my life.
2. I only have one job. (But it's an awesome job. So awesome that I was tempted to write I don't have a job - it seems too cool to be work.)
3. I don't have a plan.
4. I don't have a long term apartment.
5. I don't even have a place to stay past next Tuesday.

Some people might call this "reality," but I tend not to like those people.

Anyway, I had a brief freak out. That's natural when you realize you've made a change you can't back out of. You second guess yourself no matter how long you've been talking about taking the action you just took.

But I realized something. - This is exactly what my 2012 resolution is all about.

Have I mentioned my New Year's resolution yet? I don't think so. It's not really a typical one. It's more like a mental habit I want to work on - something that will make my brain a more enjoyable place to be. I did a similar thing last year, which actually made my brain a more comfortable place.

Here my resolution for 2012:

Life is a journey.
You can't control where you are. You can only control what direction you're heading.
Enjoy the whole trip.

Yeah, I know. It's a long one. And also the kind of thing you would see embroidered on your favorite grandma's pillow amidst cute thread-stitched kittens.

2011, for me, was marked with impatience and frustration. Most of it stemmed from me being dissatisfied with where I was - whether that be how far I was in a revision/draft, how much blogging I'd accomplished, the place I was living, and being impatient to move onto the next stage.

Here's the underlying belief that caused both the impatience and frustration: that if I reached --insert some sort of achievement here--, then I would finally be happy.

Here's the truth: I will always be able to freak out about something, to be dissatisfied with something.

True Story: I found this in Books-a-Million last October.

It made me laugh and send it to my best friend.
Great book too - The House of Spirits sparked an Isabel Allende reading frenzy for a whole semester in high school.

But honestly, I have a great life. I'm reasonably healthy (although I would appreciate not being allergic to half the planet). I drive my favorite car in the entire universe - past, present, and probably future. I have my dream job.

Also, I only get one life. Okay, unless I'm reincarnated, which might be cool. But definitely, only one life as Shelby Bach. I need to enjoy it RIGHT NOW. I need to appreciate even the stuff that scares me, because the only constant thing about life is change. I won't always have this.

So, this move - It's something I want. This is something I've wanted for a long time.

Exhibit A, evidence that I've wanted this for a while:
This map has been hanging in my bedroom for the past year,
reminding me where I want to go.
(It was a gift from a very dear friend.)

I am going to enjoy it.

Because it will only happen once.

And I've basically decided to just have an awesome life. :-)