Friday Five - the Brain-Hurricane Edition

1.

I don't believe I've mentioned this yet: my edit letter came! About a month ago, actually. It - and the one big revision it called for - have taken over half my life.

On her blog, Claire Legrand has expressed exactly what getting one's edit letter from one's editor feels like - give or take a little angst and one friendly unicorn. Seriously, if you haven't read this post yet, you NEED to. 

Go now. I'll wait. 

2. 

I'm moving one big piece in this manuscript. Doing that has caused a whole bunch of subplots to slide and conversations to collapse and chapters to require general untangling and/or rewriting. 

At this point, the initial panic has worn off. Brain-storming ensued, although word that doesn't quite capture the extent of all the thinking involved. It was more like a Brain-hurricane. My wonderful agent, her insightful assistant, and my fantastic editor have all weighed in on my plans. They also told me that I could handle this, and I remind myself of this frequently. 

I spent days crafting a glorious outline, which I refer to the same way I would refer to a road map on a long journey.  I'm still slowly working through it. 

3.

Because of said outline, I'm not lost in this revision. But pages and pages stretch before me. Many of them must be rewritten. 

I won't lie: It is hard not to feel overwhelmed. It's also hard not to feel like my creative battery is drained all the way to the danger zone.

4. 

So, today, I'm entering the edits I've already finished into my digital copy. 

(I revise every round by hand, btw. It takes longer, but I catch more things.) 

I tend to watch most of my video content (a.k.a. movies and TV shows) while I work, and this is the entertainment-du-jour:

I was led to Pushing Daisies by Stephanie Perkin's recommendation and by a mild infatuation with Lee Pace. (It also helped that my local library had the DVD's ready for checkout.) I stayed because of the quirky-funny Jim Dale narration, the rapidfire dialogue, and Kristen Chenoweth's portrayal of Olive Snook and how she breaks into random song every few episodes. 

If you get a chance, watch and enjoy. Disclaimer: It may make you hungry for pie. Or piemakers. ;-)

5. 

In other revision-related news, I've read a lot of YA recently. 

(Q: How is this revision-related? 

A: I try to avoid middle grade when I'm actively working on my manuscript. 

Q: Why am I reading when I should be revising? 

A: Read this post.)

I am, for instance, newly obsessed with John Green. I'm reading all of his books in the order they were published, because I'm weird like that. 

Looking for Alaska made me weep and break out my Kindle highlighter for the first time. An Abundance of Katherines made swoon and geek out over math. Paper Towns is on deck.

Where Things Come Back also made me FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS. 

But the book I rushed out to buy on release day? The one that kept me up till 3AM two nights in a row? 

I've been waiting for Bitterblue ever since I read a galley of Fire back in 2009. It does not disappoint. Kristen Cashore has said multiple times that it was an intense book to write. It's an intense book to read - and near impossible to put down (see comment re: 3AM). If Where Things Come Back made me feel all the feelings, Bitterblue dredges up emotions I didn't know I had and makes me re-examine my life. In a good way, I think. 

I hope to finish it tonight. Preferably before midnight, so I get a good night's sleep. 

Fear

Kristen Cashore posted this on her blog first, and I loved it so much that I needed to share my enthusiasm.

The dance starts at around 2:20. The woman is dancing with her fear.



There's something moving about the way that it (ie. he) holds her back and holds her back until she faces it and conquers it. (It even made me download the song and watch other dance clips.)

I think I needed to watch this at this particular moment in my life. I sent out my first query yesterday.

I have made an executive decision not to disclose many details of the process. I have seen much ranting and raving and listing of agent names by other newbie authors, which I choose not to participate in. It's not my style. I would much rather tell you good news than bad.

But I will share this:

Shelby's Rules for Querying Agents

1. Send no more than one query a day.
2. Send no more than three queries a week.
   
3. If my manuscript gets no bites after ten queries (ie. four weeks), then query letter must be defective and must be revised.
   
4. Enter all correspondence in my Query Log.
5. Do not get my feelings hurt for something as silly as not being a good match for an agent. This is how it works. I want to work with someone who loves my work (and also thinks that I'm hilarious).
   

Ironically enough, one of my characters (the one that everyone knows is crazy) taught me something. Before my young heroine and her two best buds head out on a quest, my crazy character* says this:

Fear is inevitable. But for every fear that makes you weak, there will be a fear that can make you brave. If you are to succeed, you must discover what you fear more than what you fear the most.

(Please note: This was one of the things that I didn't know was in the story until after I finish the first draft. It turned out to be necessary later when the plot had unfolded and characters were revealed, and so, in the midst of the revision, the crazy lady scene came to me. (I love it when revisions do things like that.))

The parting words of the crazy lady reminded me of a part of this post on Kristen Cashore's blog:

I'm not saying you have to let your manuscript go NOW, or even SOON. I waited until I felt like I was ready; until I was ready to take the risk. I can't say what "ready" feels like -- I expect it feels different for different people -- and it DEFINITELY doesn't feel like success is assured. "Ready" always contains a little bit of "OMG I AM SO NOT READY." But it also contains enough "I am ready" for you to be ready.

Oh, good lord. That paragraph was meant to be helpful, I swear. Here, read this poem by Anaïs Nin:

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.

:o)

Do I feel like I'm ready? No and yes. No - not for adults who are mean-spirited for reasons of their own (although I am sure that I can handle it when the time comes). Yes - for the little girls I know, for the ones who want an adventure story with a heroine every bit as heroic as Harry and Percy. I couldn't stand facing them one day knowing that I didn't do everything I could to bring that story into the world, and I don't want to face myself in the mirror twenty years from now, wondering what if?

Guess what made me much, much braver? Reading the manuscript that I'm using to query - reading it as a reader, not a writer.** I AM funny. I did create characters I <3 like whoa. I did write a story that I'm proud to acknowledge and happy to reread.

Will this keep me from revising in the future? Of course not. Do I think that I've taken the manuscript as far as I can without a second (professional) opinion? Absolutely.

So, despite the fear, I'm in a good place right now. It also helps tremendously that I have a lot to do in the meantime - another manuscript to revise and an IP to finish.

*I love crazy characters. They can say so much more than regular characters. (If you don't believe me, then read Shakespeare.)

**Well, I read slightly as a writer - instead of writing a list of revisions that need to be made, I made a list of questions I had about parts I'm not sure I pulled off. I am my own worst critic.