Insane, but Necessary

I don't think I've mentioned this yet: I'm traveling up the West Coast, trying to find a place I want to live.

Disclaimer: these pics don't have much to do with this post, except for the journeying trope.

One of my favorite scenes in Cary Fukunaga's Jane Eyre is this one in the very beginning - where Jane is running away from Rochester.

Sounds very straightforward when I put it that way, doesn't it? It almost seems like I have a plan. This is not precisely true. It's a weird nomadic sort of life. I don't know precisely where I'll be sleeping a week and a half from now, and most people find that a very frightening thought. Actually, sometimes, I find that very frightening.

NOTE: Life is scary. And amazing. The trick is learning how to let it be both at the same time.

Living my life this way seems insane to most people. I'm fully aware of that, and I've just figured out why it makes perfect sense to me:

I've always justified my crazy-seeming actions. I'm used to it.

Jane finds herself at the crossroads, and she tries to figure out where to go. But she has a problem: she knows that Rochester will look for her and search these paths.

FOR EXAMPLE

Q: What? You want to go to a semester-long program in coastal Maine where you live in log cabins heated by wood stoves, work on an organic farm, and learn about the environment with thirty-some other high school juniors? [The Are you crazy? is implied in their tone.]

A: Yes, it'll look great on my college applications.

(Note to young readers: If you want to do unusual stuff, I highly recommend this excuse. But then you should actually use it in your college apps. I did, and I got into a great school.)

ANOTHER EXAMPLE

Q: What? You want to move to New York, without a job? And go to a summer post-grad program designed to train professionals in publishing? The same industry that everyone says is dying and short on jobs?

A: Yes. I've talked about becoming a writer since kindergarten. When else will I get a chance to learn the industry from the inside?

So, eventually Jane decides to ditch the roads and cut across the moors.

THE MOST RECENT EXAMPLE

Q: What? You want to give up your hardwon, well-placed job in New York and try to get published? In this terrible economy?

A: Yes. Unfortunately, the noise and energy of New York have given me insomnia, which has led to some unforeseen health problems. I need to move to recover.

Now, the answers I gave were not the whole answer. But what can we glean here?

#1. Where there is great risk, there will always be naysayers.

#2. I take risks. (But honestly, so do we all. I just didn't realize how many gambles I've taken with my whole life in the past ten years.)

#3. You can get naysayers off your backs by framing an answer around something most people value - education, career, and health.

Talk about the road less traveled. The moors are basically the wilderness. Nice, sheltered, educated young governesses just don't trot off into the wilderness on their own. It's just not done.

I love this scene in the book too, btw.

But I don't have a ready-made excuse this time.

My reasons are the same reasons I had for the above examples, the reasons that I didn't say outloud: I want to. It'll be a great experience. I've been talking about it for years.

And one more, which is even harder to define: It feels like the right thing to do.

Yes, it is probably insane. That doesn't make it unnecessary.

I am twenty-five. Both of my jobs can travel with me on my laptop. I know that I won't always have the opportunity to be so nomadic. I also know that if I don't do this, one day, decades from now, when I have children, a mortgage, and other responsibilities, I will wish I did.

The great and scary thing is, I'm not required to explain myself to anyone anymore. That's the benefit of being a grown-up.

Brace yourself for some cheese-tasticness, folks: I try to live my life the way my characters do. I try to be true to myself, and as cliche as it sounds, I am following my heart.

Those decisions? The ones that seemed nuts? They're the ones I appreciate the most.

In their aftermath, I grew the most.

One Crazy Month (Part I)

I haven’t blogged in so long. Like a whole, freaking month.

Confession, though: ever since I learned how to schedule posts on Blogger, I’ve had this bad habit of backdating posts if a long negligent-blogger period goes by. Just so I seem more on top of things than I am.

But that only makes me seem like I had my act together a week/month ago, rather than like I’m doing some good blogging right now.

And so, no more backdating.

But now, dear reader, you are stuck reading about everything that happened while I was away. And let me warn you: it amounts to

ONE CRAZY MONTH

(which reminds me: I still need to track down and read One Crazy Summer, by Rita Williams-Garcia. Okay, that’s going in my “To Read.doc” right now. What? Don’t you have a “To Read.doc”? Ahem. Okay, carrying on.)

We moved.

Remember that move I’ve been complaining about for almost a year? Well, it finally happened. This Valentine’s Day and the day after.

The day before, I baked epic amounts of cookies for the neighbors to um...sweeten the news (:-P) that a) we would be moving and b) two giant moving vans would be blocking half the street come morning. For two days, I watched some very nice dudes from Webb’s moving company carry furniture. I was helpful, I promise. I opened doors, and handed out waters, and said thank you so much at least a thousand times.

We’re still getting used to the new place and all its quirks. It’s a cool house, but we’re trying to figure out how to live in it.

For instance, I have this awesome window in my bathroom. But can you spot the problem with it?

It’s kind of in an awkward place. Showering here might get me arrested for indecent exposure.

So I’ve been sneaking off the guest bath every time I need to wash my hair. We’ll eventually figure it out though. Last week, I got curtains in my room, so I no longer need to change clothes in the tiny closet. (I am actually first on the curtain list. My brother only got his this week, and my sister and parents don’t have theirs yet.)

Aaaand it’s a nice opportunity to get new furniture. Here is a pic of my brother's brand-new bed-in-progress from West Elm:

Yes, my friends: at the age of 20, and a height of 6’3”, my dear little brother has finally graduated to a grown-up bed. He was so patient, and also so excited. I stayed up late Monday to help him. (My expertise was needed, because I’m the only person in the house who has bought furniture that requires assembly in the last five years. My parents are big on antiques. My brother and sister are students, who get cast-offs and school-issued beds.)

I went to New York!

I can’t believe I haven’t written about it yet. Usually, I write about it right away.

It was fun, like always.

Maria Gomez (good friend and editor at HarperCollins) and I visited my very favorite tea place ever - Alice’s Tea Cup. You know, the land of the epic-sized scones (pumpkin is the BEST! I get it every time I go). They were all decorated for Valentine’s Day. Which meant that they had all these fictional valentines up, and they totally made my day. Here’s my favorite:

In case it’s tough to read, it says, "To: Hermione. From: Ron. I may have the emotional range of a teaspoon, but you'll always be my sugar."

(Awesome, right? LOL!)

I also had wonderful, talk-filled dinners with my college friends. Two of those friends had gotten engaged since I’d seen them last September (to each other, btw – not separately), so we chatted a fair amount about the what, when, and where of their wedding. Very fun, but a bit surreal – they’re the first of my non-Southern friends to tie the knot.

Another friend, Kirsten, came to lunch to me at Rohm. I hadn’t seen her in a year, but it was like old times. She is really one of my favorite people. There’s a warm glow around Kirsten all the time, even when she is having a rough day, and whenever she asks, How are you?, you can feel that she actually cares about the answer.

(Also, fun fact: She currently works in the Flat Iron Building, which has to be the coolest office building ever. I love looking at the historical photographs in the lobby when I wait for her. You can see how once it was the tallest thing for blocks, and how skyscrapers have grown up around it like grass.)

Then, on Tuesday, I got to hang out with Jo, my agent who’s lovely, talented, and fun like whoa. She took me to see Gnomeo & Juliet. (She may never take me to a movie again, though, because I tripped over a small child on the way to the restroom.) We didn’t know anything about it before we went, we were even a bit apprehensive, but it was actually awesome! It’s wacky, it’s smart, it’s full of Shakespeare puns, and it’s got a smattering of Elton John songs. What more could you ask for?

Then we snuck back to Suite 500 to do some brainstorming for a Top Secret Project, which will remain nameless until later. (It is writing-related, but it is not a work of fiction. It is internet-related as well, and that is all that I will say. Stay tuned for details…) Sara Kendall was super brilliant. Every time we got stuck on a thought, she knew it in five seconds. Or she knew to ask the best source for knowledge on the go, ie. Twitter.

That night, Jo, Sara, Maria Gomez, and I headed downtown for some deliciousness at Blockheads, where we forced Maria to join Twitter. Which basically means that we took her phone, set up an account for her, and placed it in her hands. (Yes, this means I know her password. But I’m pretty sure that she has changed it by now. *resists temptation to make mischief*)

And….I met my editor!!! So exciting!! Courtney Bongiolatti. (Look! I finally learned how to spell her name without looking it up! This is awesome!) Jo and I met up with her at Bar Americain, which was super swanky.

Which made me a little nervous, because I’m not exactly the swankiest of people. But then Courtney arrived! And she’s very down-to-earth. We talked a little bit about EAS, but more about baseball, and our dogs, and Boston, and fun stuff. In case you’re curious, I ate a very swanky burger. The fries were awesome, perfectly fried and dusted in sea salt, and they came in a cute, little, irresistible tin cup.

And also...

It’s strange and lovely to return, you know.

Remember how I lived there once? Remember my mixed feelings?

Right before I get on the plane, I remember only all the things I miss most about it: how easy it is to travel without a car; the fantastic restaurants (and their variety); the beautiful old buildings, especially on the Upper West Side (see above); the Parks; and the high population of people who love books as much I do. I left a lot of friends in New York, and seeing them is probably my favorite things about visiting.

But by the time I leave, and the noise and the pace (and the smell) has gotten to me, I’m always happy with my decision to move away. I’m a much more cheerful tourist than resident.

--

Oooookay, this month was more epic than I thought. So, I’ll need to split it into a couple separate blog posts. Until tomorrow, my dears. :-)

The Long Winter

I don't mean to talk about the weather all the time (especially after about a week of radio silence), but I kind of can't get over it.

On April Fool's Day, ie. two weeks after spring officially started, I walked out to my car, and I found this:

Which is basically my car buried under 14 inches of snow. No joke.

Although I was tempted to go accuse my neighbors of messing with my head, I didn't, because I realized the snow might have a little something to do with the blizzard I saw outside my window the day before:



(Okay, so with this bad video quality, you can't see the actual snow. However, all that noise is the howling wind. The wind gusts got up to about eighty miles per hour that night. :-o)

Since then, not a day has passed without fresh snow.

the view out my window yesterday

This may be the last winter I spend in a place where winter doesn't seem to end, but right now, I don't mind it much. I've been telling people that I'm using this time in Montana as a winter writer's retreat, and since it still looks like winter, I don't have any trouble buckling down and getting to my desk every day. I know that if it were warm, I would be tempted to take a book outside and drowse in the sun rather than tackle that day's to-do list.

Sooooo, the intense weather is actually a big help, because I have plenty to do this month: revisions for two separate manuscripts, and one Intellectual Property for a five-book middle grade series. I told myself that my writer's retreat can't end until I get these things knocked out. (enter determined face here)

Then a friend of mine who lives in DC sent me this picture to remind me that spring is sprung in most of the world.


Then there was jealousy.

Suddenly, I have the itch again. The itch to move. It won't happen for a while. The HUGE to-do list mentioned stands between me and other plans at the moment, but it won't forever. Then I will need to find a new destination.

I don't remember very much of what the keynote speaker said at my college graduation, but one thing stuck with me: Find a place you want to live, and then find a job in that place.

That may seem a little backward. Many decisions to move are based on finding a new job elsewhere, especially in this economy. But I'm starting to think that the speaker's way is more helpful in the long run.

For example, the first place I lived after graduation was New York City. I wanted a job in publishing, and that was where many great jobs in publishing were.

However, New York was never my cup of tea. Raised in the South, I didn't grow up taking field trips into NYC like many kids from the Tri-State area do. In fact, despite attending college in upstate New York, I didn't visit the City even once until the spring of my sophomore year. It was a fun trip, but it was also noisy and dirty and a little too hectic for me to be completely comfortable. I remember telling my mom that I would never live in New York after graduation, unlike most Vassar grads.

Cue Senior Year. Suddenly, there's a class-wide freak-out about employment, which I joined. Since I was an English major, many people commented, "What are you going to do with that? Teach?" (Not my parents, though - they're awesome.) I was determined to prove them wrong.

There was also this little thing called editorial that I had wanted to try ever since I learned that there was a job where you get paid to read and make books.

And where were most of those editor jobs? New York.

Thus, the road into New York started getting paved with very lucky twists of fate:

1. Without any prior experience, I secured a spring-semester internship at a publishing house. I became Queen of the Slush Pile. It was no match for my quick typing skills. (This was probably why it was easier for me not to take rejections too hard. At this point in my life, I've written more of them than I have actually received. With this kind of karma, I have been bracing myself for years now.)
   
2. One of my very best friends from high school moved to New York, which meant that I had a great roommate all ready to go.
   
3. I was accepted into a prestigious publishing program, where I learned a lot from big industry names and met tons of people who geeked out over books just as much as I did. (Gasp! I thought it was impossible.)
   
4. My new roomie and I signed for our first apartment in the way, way Upper East Side.
   
5. I was lucky enough to be hired for an editorial assistant position in children's publishing at the end of summer, and for many many months, I loved my job.

Everything slipped into place so easily that it felt a little like Destiny. Dreams were coming true.

But I still didn't love New York.

I got used to it. I blocked out the noise with my iPod. I hated the price of groceries, but I loved Pinkberry (pomegranate is the BEST!!). I hated the subway, but I loved being able to walk to everywhere. I hated the crowds, but I loved the Strand. I wasn't all that fond of my neighborhood, but I knew where to find fantastic nighttime views:


I picked out favorite places in Central Park, which I visited often.


Still, my job was far-and-away the best part of my NY life. I enjoyed even the menial tasks (ie. answering epic amounts of fan mail for one of our authors), and I was incredibly fond of everyone I worked with. When I was at work, I felt like I was in the right place, and doing the right thing.

That stopped pretty much as soon as I left the office.

Then I started realizing that I wasn't getting used to New York. I was coping with it, and at a certain point, all my coping mechanisms didn't work any more.

New York is known as "The City that Never Sleeps." My body took this very literally. After a few months, I couldn't unwind the way I needed to. By summer, I was averaging about four to six hours of sleep every night, which is never good for anyone's health. Finally, after many (literally) sleepless nights and quite a few sick days, I had to resign my position and start a new life elsewhere (as well as this blog, actually).

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you feel like you don't like a place when you first go there, you probably don't like it. You may be able to trick yourself into thinking that you can deal with it, but there may be some unforeseen consequences, ie. insomnia.

Now, I don't mean to hate on New York. Plenty of people are very happy there, and I've noticed that if you live in the outer boroughs, you're more likely to settle there for the long-haul. It just wasn't a place for me. I couldn't make a home there.

And although Montana is great place for writer winter's retreats (and I get plenty of sleep), I'm beginning to realize that this too isn't the place for me to settle indefinitely. (There is such a thing as too isolated for the long-term.)

A change is coming. As a writer, I'm lucky enough to be able to take my job with me wherever I go. As a very young person with no dependents, I have the luxury of making a decision on personal inclination without worry about the effect my choices will have on others. The next stop is coming up.

Actually, I think beaches might be in my future...

Epic NY March Trip

(I know. I've been MIA again. I actually got back late on Friday, but I spent a few days recovering/procrastinating on blogging since I knew that this would be an epicly long post. I meant to blog while I was there, but I never got the chance.)

In no particular order, here are a few...

Awesome Things That Happened in New York Last Week

• I met my agent. She is even more cool and incredible in person - so cool in fact that I completely forgot to ask her if she would mind if I used her real name on my blog. Shall email her in a bit. (I also got to see her office and meet the head of her agency, an older woman so sharp and dignified that I aspire to be as awesome as she is someday.) We went to lunch and chatted about my manuscript (and revisions), query decisions, our families, and of course, about books. Especially about middle grade books, which we both heart like whoa.
  
  When we finished eating, it was a little too early to go to the movie, so we headed over to Borders to kill time. Have I mentioned yet how much I love bookstores? It's even more fun to go to a bookstore with someone who loves books and knows the business like I do. (In fact, I'm pretty sure it's one of my favorite things to do.) We couldn't resist buying something. My agent extraordinaire purchased Diane Zahler's The Thirteenth Princess, and I grabbed Frances Dowell's Falling In, which I promised to send when I finished so that my agent could read it (it was so good that I almost didn't want to let it go - book hoarder that I am). Afterwards, we went to see Percy Jackson, which was so interesting that it warrants its own blog post (so, stay tuned), and she even gave me a book to take home with me. (She gives me books!! Swoon.)
  
  It was really fantastic to meet her in person. I'm even more sure that our tastes are totally in sync as far as middle grade goes and that we have the same vision for my manuscript, and I'm even more excited to be working with her. (I know. I didn't think that was possible either.)
  
  
• My good friend Maria Gomez and her boyfriend Josh had their first Alice's Tea Cup visit ever...and I got to see Maria's face when she realized how huge the scones are. Pumpkin is the best kind, just fyi. (We had an epic sushi dinner in Astoria afterwards. I was sooo full that I couldn't walk, and we had to take the bus back. But Maria and I agreed that it was totally worth it.)
  
  

• My dear friend Arielle (once, my roommate during our freshman year of high school) let me pick whatever I wanted to do on her day off Wednesday. So, we visited the Brooklyn Public Library and two bookstores (I know - the book-related theme shocks you), including...The Strand, which I actually missed like whoa. As far as organization and variety goes, other used bookstores have a hard time competing. They say 18 miles of books, which is kind of hard to believe until you go there and walk around. I bought so many books that I had to visit UPS before I went to JFK so that I could still carry my carry-on without any trouble... :-p
  
  
• Arielle and I stalked dog parks. Not to actually dog-nap anyone's puppy, but to daydream about how awesome it would be to have a dog of our own. Someday. When we stop moving around and traveling so much... :-o
  
  
• Arielle and her boyfriend Zack introduced me to L'asso, a fantastic pizza place about a block away from the more famous Lombardi's, and shockingly enough, we ran into one of Arielle's friends/another Vassar grad sitting at the very next table. Sometimes, it is a small city after all.
  
  
• Lauren Oliver's Before I Fall hit the New York Times bestseller list in its first week!!! (insert squealing here) I'm so happy for her! Let everyone witness that I blogged about it before it was famous. (Yes, I do keep track of these things. I also read Rebecca Stead's When You Reach Me before it won the Newbery, but I wasn't quick enough to blog about it before the annoucement. Sigh.)
  
  
• At Wine and Roses, I had an abbreviated drinks with old co-workers, including the other editorial assistant who used to be on my team and has since left New York but took a train into the city a day early to see me. Yay!! (She was coming in to the City to go to Lauren Oliver's book release party on Friday.) I was so glad to see them and soooo sorry that I had to leave early to rush over to a dinner engagement.
  
  
• Kirsten - my fellow CPC graduate and an editorial assistant at MacMillan - had tea twice at Argo Tea under the flatiron, and I basked in her loveliness. She has to be one of the nicest people I've met ever. Every time she asks "How are you?", she really wants to know.
  
  
• Lunch with author/editorial assistant Alexandra Bracken and our mutual friend Maria Gomez turned into an epic quest for Red Mango in the Rockefeller Center. For those who are curious, it is above NBC Studios's gift shop and probably only intended for tourists, not for determined publishing peeps. Discussion topics included random whatnot that editorial assistants are forced to do, how working as an editorial assistant while aspiring to write can drive you batty, and the upcoming publication of Alex's debut novel, Brightly Woven, next week!! I haven't read it yet, but I'm totally buying it when it comes out. :-D!!!
  
  
• Thursday night, five of my friends from college jumped through hoops to have dinner with me in L'Annam, a nice little Vietnamese restaurant at Union Square, and I was really touched that they all came. Also, amazed that we changed so little. We were possibly a little calmer, but whether that was because it was near the end of the workweek or because we're older and wiser (haha), we'll never know for sure.
  
  
• The weather was awesome for most of the trip, but on Thursday, the sky turned gray and the wind blew cold. It was also the day when I had five appointments on my calendar. In the lull between people to see and places to be, I took a thirty minute rest in one of my favorite spots for downtime in New York, Central Park Lake.
  

I cannot count how many times I have walked over this bridge.

Um, once, right in front of those rocks you can see in the distance, I fell into the lake.
Shh, don't tell the Park Service peeps...

A couple geese also swam by to make friends.
Sadly, I had no food to offer them, and they swam away...

All in all, an incredibly fantastic, very busy trip. I am so glad I went, and I am still recovering.

I'm Still Alive, I Promise.

I know, I know. I haven't been as full of digital chatter as I usually am. I have a good reason: a sinus infection. It kicked my butt and gave me fever. :'-(

I got antibiotics and kicked its butt back. (insert evil laugh here.) I am feeling much better.

(For those of you who are now worried about my health, since I was sick twice in one month, I promise you that I'm fine. Sinus infections are routine for me at this point. I've gotten them at least twice a year since college. I think it's the cold climes I choose to live in. Must move to California, place of sunshine and warmth and coastal breezes...sigh...someday, ie. after revisions...)

While I've been MIA, things have been happening in the publishing world:

1. Harper Teen Pays Seven Figures for Debut YA Trilogy:

Rachel Deahl -- Publishers Weekly, 3/5/2010 9:44:42 AM

In a major pre-Bologna acquisition, Laura Arnold at Harper Teen pre-empted North American rights to a debut YA trilogy by Josephine Angelini. Mollie Glick at Foundry sold the series--the first book is called Starcrossed--and said she pitched it as "a Percy Jackson for teenage girls." Foundry's Stephanie Abou and Hannah Brown Gordon will be handling foreign rights at the Bologna Book Fair, and film rights are being handled by Angelini's manager, Rachel Miller at Tom Sawyer Entertainment.

In Starcrossed, which brings Greek tragedy to high school, a shy Nantucket teenager named Helen Hamilton attempts to kill the most attractive boy on the island, Lucas Delos, in front of her entire class. The incident proves more than a bit inconvenient for Helen, who's already concerned that she's going insane--whenever she's sees Lucas (or any of his family members) the image of three crying women appear to her.

The murder attempt does have an upside though, as it ultimately leads to Helen's revelation that she and the local heartthrob are, in fact, playing out some version of a weighty ancient love affair. (Said female apparitions are, in fact, the Three Fates.) So Helen, like her namesake, Helen of Troy isn't going crazy, she's destined to start a Trojan War-like battle by being with Lucas. This then begs the unfortunate question: should she be with the boy she loves even if it means endangering the rest of the world?

The second book in the trilogy, Persephone's Garden, follows Helen's journey to the Underworld, and the third book, Ilium, chronicles the final battle between mortals and the gods. Harper Teen is planning to publish Starcrossed in summer 2011.

This totally blew my mind. I mean, I know some of the players involved. I even follow them on Twitter. I saw the excitement even before I knew what the excitement was about.

I have mixed feelings about advances that are high enough to be newsworthy, but I think this one will definitely earn out. I mean, Did you read description of the book? Does it not sound awesome?? I'm already plotting on how to pull strings and snag a galley..... :-P

2. Lauren Oliver's Before I Fall was released in stores everywhere...


...even in Bozeman, Montana.

I know I said this in my last post too, but it's true here too - You have to read it. I admit, I'm not the biggest fan of this genre. I haven't read other teen weepies like If I Stay or Th1rteen R3asons Why (I have this thing against sad endings), but the pre-pub buzz for Ms. Oliver's novel was so good that I begged a galley off a friend.

Before I Fall deserves every nice thing that anyone has said about it. It totally changed my mind about the weepy genre. It is destined to become the favorite book of multitudes of teens. In five years, all the copies in the picture above will be battered and dog-eared, the tell-tale signs of many reads and re-reads.

Do yourself a favor, and read it now - that way, you can say you read it before it became a bestseller/won such-and-such awards/got so famous that everybody knew about it.

3. On the same day she emailed me to make sure that the bears hadn't eaten me, my awesome agent J. invited me to go see The Lightning Thief with her after our lunch on Tuesday. Eeeeeekkk!!! I know - I can't believe I haven't seen it yet either, but I want to. Desperately. It totally made my week.

A few things have happened here in Montana too:

1. Spring has begun to crawl up the mountain. This means that the weather has moved away from sub-zero temps and started to look more like this:

This means that mud season is upon us. At the base, the landscape has turned from white to brown, and on either side of the road, rivulets of melted run-off thread their way to the Gallatin River.

I'm crossing my fingers that the snow lasts long enough for my little brother to get here and snowboard to his heart's content. He's spending his Spring Break here, and if he can't get out to snowboard, he's going to be bored out of his mind.

2. Also, I'm off to NYC tomorrow to see my editor, my agent, and oodles of friends. The excitement abounds like whoa.

Of course, my little brother will arrive at the airport an hour before I return. That means that I must clean the cabin unless I want him to see how I've been living and thus be teased/blackmailed until the end of time. I spent a significant part of yesterday and today cleaning. I even vacuumed and made his bed. It was epic.

3. Revisions are everywhere. I still haven't received my editorial letter from my editor, but I've been plowing ahead with revisions for J., agent extraordinaire. Earlier this week, I went into a mild panic, thinking that a month had been wasted since I hadn't finished my revisions in the three weeks since the arrival of J.'s letter. (Note: when I'm sick, everything tends to look like the end of the world.)

Then I started typing up all the new scenes...and realized I had written 20K. Not all of that 20K will make it into this manuscript, of course (one scene has three different beginnings I need to wade through so that's 6K cut right there), but it did make me realize February was actually productive, not just full of illness.

I have maybe three more new scenes to write, and then I revise my revisions. I'll be cutting and pasting the chronology of these new scenes the way a dealer shuffles cars. Then a line-by-line edit or two.... (starting to feel mildly stressed)

But first...laundry! And packing! :-D

Happy Six-Month Anniversary, Blog!!

This blog is officially six months old! Yay!!

Since I started this blog on the day that I started my new life, that means that exactly six months have passed since I left New York and moved to Charlotte. That is definitely a reason to celebrate, especially since the following has happened since I made that huge life-change:

1. I finally read the Twilight saga.
2. I moved again, this time to Montana.
3. I finished a manuscript.
   
4. I revised said manuscript.
5. I did a lot of skiing.
   
6. I connected with my fantastic agent J. (And someday, I'll stop mentioning her in every post.... :-P)
   
7. I read 80 books, believe it or not. I almost don't believe it, but since I was curious about exactly how many books I read in a year, I started keeping a list in the back of my journal.
8. And yesterday, I bought a new phone. :-D
   

Looking at this list, I have to admit that things are going well in my new life. Unbelievably well.

I don't know why things are going so well. I've wanted to be a writer since I was in kindergarten, but lots of people chase life-long dreams. I might just pass off my good luck as an upturn after five years of crummy life experiences, but several of my friends have faced rough times recently. I would say that I've been hard-working, but I know plenty of hardworking people who are struggling right now.

Maybe Enzo (from The Art of Racing in the Rain, one of those 80 books I read) says it best: "Your car goes where your eyes go."

When I left New York, I was already imagining what it would be like to be an author - both like and unlike the authors I knew as an editorial assistant. Once I had the contract, I was envisioning the writing and the revising of the manuscripts. When I finished the first round of revisions and began the querying process, I was already daydreaming about meeting my agent and discussing career plans with her.

I did doubt myself. Of course I did, especially early on. Quitting my job and moving was a big scary change, and nothing was certain. You may not have noticed, dear reader, but I didn't post at all during the month of September. I did other things. I read twenty-some books, almost a book a day. I started a part-time job. I planned - plotting out five books and developing career strategies. I started writing again, spending hours at the library with my headphones on and my pen in my hand (yes, I'm old school like that - handwriting my first draft - gasp!).

But especially in September, I was incredibly nervous, too wound up to fall asleep after I turned off the lights. I knew that I couldn't have made any choice besides the one I made, but what ifs in my future haunted me, especially in the nighttime quiet. I took a while for me to trust myself and my own judgment again. And so, I didn't blog, nervous that my insecurities would leak out on the screen.

In October, I started to feel confident again despite my doubts, and that's when my writing started to take off. I don't think that's a coincidence.

Confident daydreaming is important. I do recognize how lucky I am, but I don't think I would've gone very far if I wallowed on my day-to-day difficulties rather than thinking toward the next step.

Even now, at this six month mark, I'm thinking beyond the next round(s) of revisions to the day when I finish the last pre-contract revision for EAS and my wonderful agent sends it out to editors. :-D

I have a friend who believes in The Secret like whoa - she actually quit her job before she received her acceptance letter to grad school. (Both events did happen on the same day, but still, the names have been withheld to protect the innocent/eccentric.) I wouldn't go that far, but I think there's definitely something to be said for believing in yourself and believing good things to happen to you. Even if you don't know which way you need to go, you can visualize what it'll feel like to be in the right place - to have your strong will and determination headed in the right direction again.

And if you're out there, reading this and knowing that you aren't in the right place, knowing that you need to make a big change, do it. You have nothing to lose. Don't hesitate. Go for it.

You know who you are.

The Adventure Begins…

So, maybe it is a little crazy.

I quit my job, which I loved, so that I could leave New York, which I do not love.

The actual resignation was weeks ago. I moved today.

One of my dear friends and I were discussing the crazy things. We decided that we were both are liable to pull crazy stunts like the above. Kimmy, for instance, is living in a not-so-nice neighborhood and doing the Teaching Fellows of New York Program. She loves her job. She loves finding books that her high schoolers will love so much that they don’t give them back. Plenty of people would call that crazy, but she denies it.

We decided that when you are doing something a trifle insane, you have to shut off the part of you that calls it crazy. It’s probably for survival. Otherwise, you wouldn’t ever do the things you need to do.

Personally, I view quitting my job, packing up my life, and moving to California as an act of necessity, verging on desperation rather than an act of bravery.

But the insanity charge is starting to sink in.

It was the questions. “What’s in California?” people asked. (Sunshine.) “What about a job?” (I’ll find one.) “Do you have family out there?” (No.) “Friends?” (A few.)

Then, they compliment me – tell me I’m brave, etc. That’s when I start to recognize what a crazy thing I’ve done.

But life’s an adventure, right? If I don’t do it now, before the age of twenty-five, it will only get harder.

Also, I have a month-long stopover at my parents’ house to get used to the idea. I’ll sleep some and help them organize the house before their house. My younger brother and sister head off to college this weekend – he will be a freshman; she will graduate next May. It’ll be like being an only child again.

Also, I’ll get to read whatever I want. That’s amazing. I’m in the middle of a galley a friend Kirsten gave me – The Girl With Glass Feet.

...

I can’t believe that I’m back in Charlotte. I can’t believe I actually moved. It still feels like I’m going back in to work on Monday.